Sunday, 4 January 2015

What have you traded your eating disorder for...?



Before I write any further, I want to clearly state that full recovery IS Possible!

What is being 'recovered' from an eating disorder means? At the present we do not have a definition for recovery. It has been said that everybody has their own meaning of what being recovered means to them.
Perhaps you can take a moment and collect your thoughts on what recovery means to you and examine how far you are from that place, what would need to happen in order to get there, or whether indeed you are at that place already.

Once you enter the " I am recovered status", you are out there to be looked at and more likely you will be judged by others, whether you really have recovered from your eating disorder. This is something that you cannot avoid and have to learn how to handle. 

Let's not worry about what other people think about our recovery status, and how they see us. Believe it or not that doesn't matter at the end of the day. But there is one thing that matters is You!
I want you to look at yourself and ask yourself this question: " Am I recovered? Am I free ?"

If your answer is "no", there is no need to beat yourself up for it! You can recover! It takes time, but you need to believe that you are not a "hopeless case"! I was told numerous time, that there was no way that I will ever recover, but by writing all these here to you, I am proving everybody wrong!  When you put all that energy that you put into your eating disorder, to your recovery instead, you can and you will recover.
( You can find out how to do that, and/ or if you need support, you can find help as well, through www.heemangforyou.com -use the contact form for free information and support- you can also follow these organisation on facebook :
https://www.facebook.com/pages/BAG-Beat-Anorexia-Group-/665637640189197
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Heemang/776026982420678

If your answer is "yes", then it is great news and you must be living your life to the full with all the challenges, ups and downs and joy that life throws at you. I am thrilled for you!

But hang on for a second, I do not want to doubt your recovery... However, I want you to be really recovered when you say: " I am recovered". Why? Because that is the ultimate goal for you if you really want to live and enjoy life. When you are recovered you  become a walking example for those who are still fighting for their freedom! Would you want to look up to somebody who isn't what she or he says is?

I have been there myself, I thought I was recovered...and I have said that I was recovered, when in truth I wasn't. Having said that, I know that it was part of my recovery. So, I did not have to feel guilty about my confusion...but the truth is I did feel that way ( once I recognised that I was in fact still just on the way to recovery) as I knew that some people looked up to me and were encouraged my progress. I had to be honest and admit that I was still steps away from 'freedom'. I found that rather hard...because I wanted to be there..I wanted to be recovered...and I wanted to help others and longed to be an empowering example. If you are anything like me, then you might have realised that it is not that simple to know whether you are recovered or not. I heard that everybody have their on meaning of 'recovery'..... That might be true... I don't know... I guess, I am hard on myself and I want to have the "perfect" recovery. Just as perfectly as I was obeying my eating disorder, the same way, with the same perfection I want it out of my life.

Let me share with you when I thought that I was 'recovered' looked like in my case.
I ate "healthy", the healthy that is out there by experts.... I did not count calories...so I thought, I was recovered. I exercised, mostly run two or three times a week, which considered being "normal". But If you would've asked me whether I eat because I run or I run because I ate, the answer would have been, "the later".
I had a two year old son at that time, so, I must have been "recovered",. considering the fact that during my anorexic years I was told that I will never be bale to have children.... So, having a child must mean that I was recovered, right...? I amazed everybody how "well" I looked considering that I had a baby, suddenly I became the "good example" and inspiration to all new mothers out there. I was complemented and told that this is how all mothers should look and do....! Did that make me feel good? Well, yes! At first. Then I started to feel uncomfortable....as I began to ask myself the question...."Are you really recovered?"
 The truth was, that If I didn't have time to do my "recommended amount of" excersise  or that "heathy meal", I was tense, grumpy and somewhat hard to get along with, to say the least.Of course like everybody else, I told myself that it was important to have my "me time".. now and then....away from the baby...that I needed to relax and get the tension out of my system.... And all that is true and important...but there are different ways to achieve calmness, it doesn't have to be involved with pulling weights, and running miles.
The reality was, that I trade my eating disorder for being "super healthy" and a "super woman".

 To clear any confusion here, I am not saying that you cannot do and enjoy sport once you made your recovery. I just hope that you have noticed the "enjoy" part that I wrote. You enjoy whatever activities you do, and you don't freak out if for some reasons you cannot do them.  
You eat and enjoy it and but not whilst thinking that eating is only "ok" because you will at some point do some workout...and then all will be fine. It is fine to eat and enjoy it even if you cannot walk 5miles after that breakfast you ate. It is ok to look "good" ( whatever "good" means), it is ok to look tired, stressed, have a bad hair day, and believe it or not it is fine to have a "bad" body day. We all have it... men, women... there is no human being who would feel completely satisfied in their body every single day.  

I believe, when you are recovered, you actually enjoy whatever you do and you have developed coping strategies for those "not so good days".... Just because you are recovered it doesn't mean that you will have no "bad" days. You will not be immune to hard times, but you can cope with whatever life brings.

You no longer need to do timeless workouts to prove your worth, or shop until you drop to make you feel better, or drink, or lock yourself away and hide...or do whatever it is that actually do not give you lasting peace and satisfaction. You no longer have to be the toughest kid on the block nor do you have to be the "everything is sorted out around me".

When you are recovered you feel free to be who you are!  When you are recovered you can and you do embrace yourself including your imperfection.

Are you there yet? If not, don't stop until you get there because you are worth it!

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